


Amnesia

by Zaynersbitch



Series: Amnesia love letters [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, I Made Myself Cry, Liam Payne - Freeform, Love Letters, M/M, Zayn Malik - Freeform, Zayn loves Liam, im sorry, this is based on amnesia and drops of jupiter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 02:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2211534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaynersbitch/pseuds/Zaynersbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so these are a series of letters between Zayn and Liam iidk how is it gonna end soo yeah</p>
    </blockquote>





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> so these are a series of letters between Zayn and Liam iidk how is it gonna end soo yeah

Dear Liam:

We haven’t talked in so long I don’t even know if you remember me or my name, well actually I know you remember me, you’re just ignoring my existence. Well I’m writing this because I need closure maybe? Or just because I simply need to tell you this and hope for the best, because I know I fucked everything up, I shouldn’t have done what I did.. but you know, it happened? and it wasn’t what I planned.

You know I love you Jaan, I hope you don’t mind that I call you Jaan, you once loved the way I called you… anyway.. you know I love you and yes I know we’re still young.. and I know you’re straight or at least that is what you told me.

I planned to tell you someday, but I didn’t expect you to find it the way you did… Liam I’m sorry, I would give my soul just to have our friendship back, but I know you don’t want it and I know I deserve what I got.

Do you remember when I called you Jaan for the first time? We were 16 and I remember you asked me what it meant and I told you.. I remember telling you that only soul mates could call each other like that and that my mom would get mad if she find out and you just laughed and hugged me, I remember that you blushed and said thank you. Liam you knew how I felt and you let me call you jaan.. fuck Liam if you didn’t want it why did you let me?

I’m writing you this because I’m leaving and I want you to forgive me and I want to forgive myself for fucking the longest friendship I’ve ever had, we met when we were 4 for the love of god.. I told you I was gay at 13 and I cried that day and you let me cry until I couldn’t anymore and then we played video games and nothing changed.

I remember how pissed you would get if someone at school would pick on me or call me names, I remember when you got in a fight because one of them make me cry and you got suspended for two weeks. I remember that it was in your 16th birthday when I said you made me whole and I called you jaan.. I remember that you promised that nothing between the two of us would change and you said you only needed me in your life, why did you lie? I thought what you felt was real, I know I never asked if you liked me but I kind of assume it, I knew we weren’t a couple, because we behaved like friends but you called me pet names and I didn’t have a clue about your feelings.

Liam I have to let you go and it hurts, it hurts every inch of my body and soul because for a second I thought we were meant to be but we are not, and at least I’m happy that you could move on and you found someone, but the day you feel alone even tho you’re surrounded by your friends and your own jaan, Liam remember I was always there, you can go or I can leave but if we see each other in the future I know that once your heartbeat was synced with mine.

Sometimes I wish I had amnesia and I could forget that I love you but life is not fair and I have to live with this pain every day, actually it looks like you have amnesia and you forgot all those dreams we had and all of the promises we made, but it’s ok I still care for you even tho you don’t care about me.

I remember the day you left, remember your face and how you didn’t even blink when I started crying, I won’t be able to forget the look you gave me when I tried to reach for your arm and tell you I’m sorry… I won’t ever forget how you made me feel, Li.. you made me feel like trash and I thought that could not be possible, you know, because you were always the one who made me feel like I was one of the most valuables things in the planet but I guess I was wrong.

Bye Liam, I love you and I hope you find someone that makes you feel how you made me feel.

Zayn.


End file.
